Men are from Mars, Women don't poop..

First off, no good conversation ever starts with "you know what your problem is."

BUT... Ladies you know what your problem is?!!

I think you need to poop!
I have put a lot of thought into this, just hear me out. You don't have to be emotional, moody, and overly sensitive. I would be too if I couldn't poop when I needed to poop. Just let it go, I swear you will feel so much better.

"Oh, that's gross what would my boyfriend think?"
He would think you are human!!! Maybe you guys would get along better.

Maybe you would finally eat something. I too would only want a salad, if I had to hold it all night (and possibly though a 2 hour movie, and drinks after!!! Forget about sex!!!)
Maybe your job, and co workers aren't that bad after all? Could it possibly be that you are a little
"on edge" cause you need to let one go?
Maybe it's really not THAT big of a deal if I don't use a coaster!
Maybe you really don't like cats, and small dogs?
Maybe thongs are not comfortable, and they are just some kind of secret "poo blocker" if you will.

The more I think about it, the more I think you're a liar!!! That's right, you are living a lie! I don't even know you... How can you expect me to be completely honest with you. To share all my fears, hopes, and dreams? When you can't even truly be yourself?!!

is that beer cold?

Dear Coors Light,
Can you please stop with your cold activated labels, and case windows!!! It's BEER!!! We are going to drink it!!! Yea the mountains turn blue, great I'm not a first grader I'm not impressed. You are wasting money, no one is going to switch from whatever beer they drink to Coors Light like : "duh look, I can tell when that beer is cold" call me old fashion but you know how I can tell when my beer is cold I TOUCH IT!!! Or, wait for it, wait for it I take it out of the fridge!!! Gas is still $4,000 a gallon, But hey no worries we can now tell when the beer is cold...